NaNoWriMo. The gubbins in there seems all askew.

I’ve been asked to announce my project more than once.

I have been asked what my title is.

I don’t work that way.

I’ll know what my title is once I see what I have written.

It wants a summary.

How do I know what I am going to be writing about – oh, it’s the usual thing with creative work.

You know what the title will be, or you have at least a working title.

Mine, currently, is ‘Don’t Know Yet’.

You are supposed to know what genre you write in.

If you don’t write in genre, you must be ‘literary’ – I’ve put ‘literary’ in my own mind as another genre – people try to make it too posh.

It’s just another way of writing – ah, you can call ‘literary’ ‘contemporary’, but is ‘literary’ always ‘contemporary’?  And do they mean the writing of it – if you wrote it yesterday, and that was what they were talking about, you could say you write ‘contemporary’.

And then a bright spark – I can just see it – would say – ‘do you mean literary?’

Look, do I have to announce anything?

I’ve said I’m aiming for 50,000 words, and that seems foolhardy, to say even that.

Once you say you have an aim, people expect you to reach it – this is my experience.

I agreed to that because it seemed as though I was agreeing to not much else.

Look, can’t I just write, and then see what is there?

NaNoWriMo. In situations where there are important – I’m trying not to say – situations where you are trying to –

win.

NaNo – you are at least attempting to get those 50,000 words, or you may have set a goal of your own within the NaNo structure – you have November in which to achieve whatever you have agreed to, be it the NaNoWriMo site’s definition of what winning is, or something that you have decided for yourself –

Strategies.

I have been playing Nintendo’s ‘Link’s Awakening’ as part of my prepping for NaNoWriMo.

I have got through the game once – and I defy anyone to be able to get through it without the help of the internet –

Well, some people are just plain good – trailblazers – they have played so many of this type of game, maybe, that they know the likely wherewithal of how this one might go –

And now I am in hero-mode.

See?  I would like to be a hero of my own NaNo-try-out.

As Link, I have found what works – 

Go for it – head on – determination – spike the . . .

Patience.  Sometimes, to use patience is the way forward.

Or – you need a certain amount of cunning.

I’ll keep you informed.

NaNoWriMo. I’m getting nervous now.

That is something that you, if you are me, don’t want to look into.

But it’s anxiety, and probably attached to other issues rather than just to the NaNo.

I’m probably filtering deep anxieties through the NaNo – because this is what I do.  I know that.  I know myself that well.

But I decided to do the NaNo as something through which to continue this quest of finding myself, discovering what those anxieties are in my deep-down places that sometimes cripple me.

I must hunt them out.

NaNoWriMo. You have to be uncompromising, I have found.

You can’t be writing for other people.

It’s funny – I wrote this down last night – an easy blog-post, I thought.

And now, the next day, it doesn’t seem easy at all, and I feel as though I ought to add all sorts of caveats.

Some people write for other people – I know they do – they produce and produce towards a market that is waiting there for them – a market that is created with an eye on forces out there.

And this is the way to be successful, they say.

Success means making money at it.

Nothing wrong with making money – even making a lot of money if you enjoy the plain crafting of writing, for instance – the sort of thing you are taught in writing classes and university courses (done a lot of that, been there) . . .

(didn’t make a lot of money) . . .

The word ‘soul’ is creeping into my thoughts here – and I didn’t want to use it because I am not conventionally religious, and probably not unconventionally religious – and there probably is something – in Plato, maybe – about a soul and the idea of it not being attached to one version or another of Christianity, for instance (which is the religion that I am most familiar with) – but ‘soul’ seems the word I need to use here in an effort to convey how I feel.

I’m not even talking, necessarily, about the ‘inner core’ – who knows if there is one or not?  (That’s a topic for another day.)

But I feel as though there is a place in me – and not just a trick of my brain – where I reside.

You can define ‘I’ in any way you want to, but I mean – somewhere within, where I am happy with myself, where my deep-down conscience isn’t bothering me.  I have company down there, probably.  But it’s where things seem right with me.

It surprises me that I speak of reality and truth – and now ‘soul’.

But I have been misrepresented, and I have not been in a position to rectify that.

I try to write that.  In my writing I reside.