There is ‘being special’.

And there is the someone saying you are special (to her or him) but in a manipulative way (that is, that person wants something out of you).

I’ve got to rely on myself.

I can lean on no one.

I talk but without saying anything.

There are traps all around me.

And I need to figure those out.

One step at a time.

One foot in front of the other.

I’m better doing things through words, in fact, rather than figures.

I find that I need to post this in order to be able to move in any direction.

I can’t remember exactly who this refers to, now, except that I know I had trouble with a blogger once, taking what wasn’t hers – and, when I complained, altering the conversation we’d had, through editing (at her end), so that it appeared I was an idiot, not her a thief.

She is in this concern somewhere.

But what I mean here – more far-reaching than my trouble with her, and relating back to some time in my childhood – this blogger reminded me of that in a strange way but it took me some time to recognise it.

I also, when I wrote this (a few days ago), felt as though I wasn’t getting across what I wanted to say at all.

No one knew what I was talking about.

And that relates back to childhood, when you are saying and saying and you haven’t the words.

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