That’s another thing – I don’t give the whys and wherefores. This is off the top of my head.
I have the feeling that it applies (not giving the whys and wherefores) to instances of my past, and that it has become, at least in relatively recent years (say the last twenty or so, particularly) something I can’t help doing, so keen have I become to express that past.
Recently (over the past couple of weeks, say – it is surprising how this ‘recent’ can expand and contract), I have developed a desire to show by example. But I do believe I have been doing that all along, as my position of default. I can try other ways, but they fall flat.
Another thing – all that wittering on I’ve done (I’ve been looking at ‘October 2014’) about not ‘fitting in’ to – preconceived boxes, basically.
It always comes about through my writing, this – and, at the time, I think there must be something wrong with me.
You have to fit with certain criteria or you don’t get on in the world (or in work).
But my writing is a special case. No, I can’t fit it into what tutors on courses (some courses – most courses) would have me fit into.
They have no idea what they are asking of me.
They have not one clue.
But you see, I didn’t conform, Dad.
“You’ll conform,” Dad said.
But I didn’t conform.
. . . at least one frog – I have to cater for it as I can.
And so the pot-ponds are going to have to be buried, not put on top of the ground with water-plants in them, as I have envisaged.
And I’m considering getting another shed the same size as the one I’ve been stuck with (it is collapsing). For absolute years I have been wanting a smaller shed, but I won’t be able to get everything in a smaller shed.
And the garden is as it is.
There is still nowhere to sit in the garden – I need to work in a bench somewhere . . .
I’m very suspicious.
If anyone had said I was very suspicious, I would have thought that was ridiculous.
And it probably would have been. I think I have got more and more suspicious as I’ve got older.
I particularly don’t trust systems, and therefore people who go by them – work in them.
I can’t say, you see, that health-systems are not reliable – but I have come a cropper on more than one occasion with them.
But I gave that merely as an example.