I’ve been away fighting demons.
No. Not those sort of demons.
“The past is in the past. Forget the past,” Dad used to say.
“Bury it,” Dad’s brother would advocate.
How much do you keep to yourself when you’re trying to make sense of the past in a new age?
People must do it all the time – “Oh, I didn’t tell him that!”
But what must it cost, personally, to keep all this inside?
Dad and Tom managed to survive, in good health, though they did not talk of the past.
For my generation it has been – you must get it said.
It will damage you, they say, if you don’t say.
It’ll all come out!
I’m telling you!
It has to!
Sorry, no matter what I do the god-thing is going to come into this.
When I went into the Health Shop there was a man talking to the two assistants.
He said, “We all eat the wrong stuff.”
I walked past them to get to the shelf where I thought I would find the flax-seed oil.
I heard the man saying something about – God –
I was going to say to him, “I don’t believe in God.” It was on the tip of my tongue.
But the man went on before I could say anything. He was on a soapbox all of his own from which no one would sweep him.
“We need to eat more crystals!” he said.
By this time, one of the assistants had moved to my side and asked if she could help me.
I told her what I was looking for, saw it simultaneously with her moving forward to point it out.
“Ah, that’s the one,” I said.
I followed her back to the desk. She put the amount through the till, and asked me for it.
I got the change out of my purse and a note out of my wallet.
The man had moved a short distance away and was crouching down, looking at some fix-it-all powder-for-punters.
The assistant muttered to the other one, “I’ll put more crystals in my sandwiches.”
I paid the money. None of us were smiling. This man was such a weirdo. How were you supposed to know where he was coming from?
I said thank you to the assistant, put the oil in my bag.
And I left the shop.
I’d said nothing to the man, and in fact, wouldn’t risk it.
He was so entrenched in his ideas, there would be no gainsaying him.
Be who I am at any point. I think there has been a change-over just recently. I think it has taken time. I’ve felt unsteady. But I feel settled in now.