What was I thinking just then? There was something that is preventing me from sleeping.
It is late at night, maybe at the turn of midnight (late for me) and I am handwriting this, sitting in my chair beside the computer table – oh, there is too much to explain here, and they say you should trim, but I want this continued flow that will surely make me feel better.
It was some man I have known that I was thinking about, when I was lying there, in the bed.
And now I come to where I can’t disclose – I thought I should – I wrote it – but I got rid of an entire potential post because there was too much disclosure there that I didn’t want to make.
This man – I can’t remember now but I know I felt that he did not, for some reason, deserve to be thought of kindly by me.
Until I can think of who I mean, this writing is pointless.
But it brought back memories, this thinking of him, of when, for quite a few years, I allowed myself – wrong word –
The wind is up, outside – gusty.
And – I daren’t look at the time.
Insomnia. I have – no – this isn’t real, as I write.
I must take another painkiller.
In lieu of saying nothing – and here is the title.