It’s difficult for me this time of year.  I tire easily as the light nights start to swing in.  That is something to say, anyway, about why I find ‘early in the year’ so difficult.  It is tiring.

However, this year, I have eased my situation by getting out into the garden.  The weather has been spring-like the past week, and I have taken advantage of that to begin digging out last year’s – sprigs – of Michaelmas Daisy and Valerian.

My removal is careful.

I dig out a square foot to begin with.  I ache.  I go back into the house.

know.  How do I work in something about – ‘yes, I am tired; I exercise’?

I’m not a fitness-nut as such.

I have always been interested in good diet, and I do like to get out for a walk each day, even if just up the road to the shop.

I have a contradictory nature, sometimes, but I have always liked nature.  It was always me at the nature-table when I got a chance as a kid at school.  And I grew up in a small house with a big garden.

I’m old-fashioned in my choice of plants.  I am always trying to reproduce, in one way or another, I think, that garden of my youth.

I am becoming more like my father.  He would take cuttings from people’s gardens as he passed, and seeds.

The other day, I pulled a piece of laurel from a bush at the edge of someone’s garden.  It was – you know – that one near the bus stop.  I had been eyeing that laurel bush for many months.

It seems an odd choice of plant – laurel – what is so exciting about laurel?

It is variegated, and that (pulling – I didn’t cut it – now in a pot, where it will root if I wait long enough), doesn’t seem reason enough to like it, especially since there is a hedging-laurel, I noticed, at a front-garden fence that I pass up the road, and which I have already decided I will take my secateurs for next time I’m that way – and that laurel is very much one colour, but a light green from whose leaves the sun sparkles, when it is out.

No.  The reason I am so keen on laurel is because, even though we didn’t have it at home, I liked it – when I was a kid.

I found it then, also, in other people’s gardens.

As I passed, I would rub its leaves between my fingers.  They were so soft and thick.

And evergreen.

Forever there.

To start my garden interests now, in the growing light, increasing my activity as I do, will help me get over this deep tiredness, I hope.







“What’s with the long hair? – I mean – I like it – ”

“I got sick of battling with hairdressers.”

He looked perplexed.

“They’re all alike.  I haven’t found one yet who is on the same wavelength . . . ha! ha!”

He didn’t seem to think that was funny.  Not much.  Only a little quiver of his lips.

“I should be able to deal with them,” she said.  “I know I should!  Do this!  Do that!”

He lifted an eyebrow – sardonically, she thought, but how was she supposed to know what he was thinking?

“Look,” she said.  “This is more than making your hairdresser your servant, getting him to do as you ask, as you describe . . . they have set procedures.  They are all taught at the same school.”

She sniffed.

“They say things like, ‘Shall we do something about this dry mess?’, and ‘Don’t try to grow it past your nostril at your age, dear!’  Intimidating, they are!  And so,” she said, sniffing again as though it really didn’t matter, “I gave them up, every-single-one-of-them.”

He was staring at her.

“It’s about your vanity, you see,” she went on.  “They get you through your vanity.  Not even that!  There is more to your vanity than meets the I you know – oh yes – ”

She wondered if he was still following her.

“Your vanity is your self-esteem, no less,” she said.  “You look in the mirror as you are about to go out – the mirror in the hall, you know – and you think – ah, yes, I look okay – or you think, ah, yes, I look stunning with all this make-up I have put on!  What artifice!  From a distance I look a sight – to behold, that is – as long as you don’t get too close or espy me side on . . . ”


The Bag

When I do want to do a WordPress post, it comes to me that I do.

I’m here now and I’ve planned nothing – left the title space blank for now – because I write to find out where I am.  I don’t start from where I am and set something out from there.

I was taught that way of writing at school.  You made a plan.  It included ‘introduction’ as a category – I’ve forgotten now – but you had that, and then you put the main body of your argument – maybe in three paragraphs – and then your conclusion.

Okay – my introduction is that I’ve been wandering around all over the place in my – mind – I have thought of the process as being in by-ways, thorough-fares, crossroads.

I am on a mental journey, I could write in one of my major paragraphs.

I could give up on that altogether and give a fiction.

am on a lane.  I’m walking along a lane – and it is sunny because I wouldn’t know why I was walking along a lane unless it was a sunny day.

Unless I was escaping from something – a situation, say.

Yes.  This is precisely it.

I am in a lane, escaping from a situation that I have found myself in.  A place, that is.

And I have been assured that the place is safe.

People are watching over you – it must be safe.

They say it is safe.  They say you require this safe spot.

But I don’t trust them.  I haven’t told them that.  I don’t trust them enough to tell them I don’t trust them.

That just shows how right I am.  I would tell them my concerns if I trusted them.  I would say – hey – I’m just popping out for a walk along a sunny lane.  No – I’m not sure what time I’ll be back.

Don’t worry – I know there is a clean stream along this lane where I am going to walk – I mean – I won’t get thirsty – I’ll be able to drink from that.


Well, I know there is at least one cafeteria at the end of this lane.  I’ll eat something there.

Money?  Yes, I have money.

No.  I won’t show you that.  Why should I?

Why should you be bothered that I want to go out along that sunny lane without showing you my money?

I have a bag.  I’ll take my bag.

I write the title.

I don’t know why I stop here in this fiction.  I could go on.  I could say that I have nothing in my bag.  I could say that my bag was to put something in if I should come across something that I wanted to carry.

I could get out of that situation with my money and my bag, not giving my plans.