What am I Doing?

I wrote a draft for a post yesterday, looked at it, and thought: it’s old hat; it’s explanatory; it’s repetitious (ie, haven’t I said all this before?).

I was up in the night (as I often am), and wrote: ‘I don’t know what I’m going to do for the blog.  I’m casting about here because I didn’t like what I came up with before – clever claptrap.  It was clever claptrap, but I was sincere in it – this makes me wonder because it seems that sincerity and clever claptrap can’t be together like that; the very terms seem to cancel themselves out.

What am I trying to say then?

What I did say in the sincere clever claptrap:

When you write to a brief – I did a writing course once – I know, dear reader – you must be sick of hearing about writing courses from me by now, and I didn’t set out with that intention when I began this blog – but I have done a few of them –

I have been trying to find myself through my writing – unsure of myself, and of my place in the world, and rather than endure the cold – the snow, the ice, the blizzards (ahem) – I mean – that feeling of being on the outside, looking in – I have gone back to basics, I have tried to learn anew…

Anyway – this one – an online writing course – it was new, I think, and they said they had deliberated as to whether to expect word-counts or not – and had decided for – so many writing situations require the writer fit into a particular set of parameters – that is, a word-count.

Hmm.  That sounds to me more like journalism, or the sort of popular fiction that relies on world-count because the reader expects a book of a certain size – romantic fiction used to be like that – I don’t know what it is like now – I’ve given up the idea of writing romantic fiction, even as a way to earn my bread and butter.

No – I find it difficult to write to specs.

6 thoughts on “What am I Doing?

  1. Second guessing and maybe fretting is not productive. I publish most everything, even what I have written before as it is said in a new, refreshing way. Word count, out the door. Just write. Be kind to yourself. Your words will find a home. I tried doing all the things books have told me to do. I tried doing all the things professors have told me to do. In the end I always end up being myself. Helpful?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, Thanks Jeanne. I have come to similar conclusions myself before – but it is so easy to get caught up again in ‘shoulds’ and ‘have tos’. I know myself, really, what I need to write – and if I get off that and into what other people think I ought to be doing, that is no good to me. I know that I write because I have to – it helps keep me here and happy. It sorts things out for me. One point of this blog for me is to see what I can do in a public sphere, and what seems too much at this time.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You make some interesting points. I don’t now like restricting my efforts artificially, although I know it may have been for me a worthwhile exercise on occasion. I still do have some difficulty in knowing just when to stop running with an idea or a theme.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks Roland. It all depends on what you want from your writing. In a commercial world, it’s necessary to accept restrictions, if you want to get along in that. Some writers want commercial success, and can meet what is required. That’s okay – but for me – I get unhappy to the point of being unable to write if I have to follow restrictions. But that is the point of this blog – I’m finding that out again – and again and again!


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